Christmas Lights

We love Christmas lights and try to see as many as possible each year. This year we only made it to one outdoor lights display - the ones at the Centerville Rec Center - but we had a really nice time. The lights are kind of cheesy but they're definitely designed to entertain kids. We had great fun walking around and pointing them out to each other. Plus, there were lots of fun photo ops!

There was a little house in the middle of the trail where we found Santa. Dave is now prepping Chloe for her first visit with Santa.

Chloe's first photo with Santa and Solana's third. I feel very strongly against forcing crying kids into Santa's lap and was ready to scoop Chloe up in an instant. Solana was a great big sister and encouraged Chloe to visit with the big jolly old elf. Chloe wouldn't speak to him but talked about the experience a lot that night.

A real horse!

"That's one BIG candy cane!" "I want to eat it!"

The Runaway

Solana Ran Away From Home Last Week

Solana's been having a little bit of trouble following instructions at school. While we hate to see Solana singled out as having difficulties we have to admit that her struggles are consistent with those we have at home. Solana is definitely a daydreamer, she takes her time in everything she does, and she often needs to be told many times to do something. While it's not usually a major issue to repeat instructions at home it is annoying and has become problematic to her teacher. Solana wants to follow instructions on her time and when she's ready. That doesn't fly at school. Don't get me wrong. She's a great kid and well liked. Her teacher is very complimentary of Solana and stresses how much she adores her as a student and as a personality. She's very social, loves chatting it up with any and all adults, she's bright, and excels in all subjects.  But we needed to get her on track with following instructions promptly and without repetition necessary so we got her onto a special behavior chart.

After a few weeks on her new chart I was noticing how well Solana had been doing at school. But just moments after praising her in my mind I got an email from her teacher. In summary:
Solana spent 15 minutes in the bathroom after lunch today. This has happened a few times and I had to interrupt my teaching to go get her. I'd like her use the restroom in the nurse's office after lunch so that she can be monitored from now on. Are you ok with that?

When Solana got home we talked about it and she didn't see anything wrong with this new arrangement so I explained to her that it's not okay. That she's basically in trouble for taking too long in the restroom and that she's pretty much being babysat because she hasn't shown herself responsible enough to use the restroom alone. She didn't have much of a reaction until I told her that I would have to talk to her Daddy to determine a consequence. At that she burst into tears because she just new that he'd take away her chances of working on a horse ranch this summer (her current #1 desire in life).

At that she declared, "I'm leaving! And I'm never coming back" and ran out of the room. I spent the next 40 minutes or so wondering what the right thing to say/do would be. This is a moment she'll probably remember. My reaction is important. What to do...what to do... She began packing her things. I didn't know what to do so I played along.

Where will you go? What will you do? What will you eat? You know it's raining out, right? You'll probably want an umbrella.  I'll be pretty sad if I never see you again. Are you going to wait to at least say "goodbye" to Daddy?

To her credit she had a plan. She emptied her piggy bank and packed lots of toys to sell. She'd first find a horse stable to sleep and then go to Kroger to buy some food. Then in the morning she'd ask the owners to let her work and sleep there. Unfortunately, she couldn't wait around to see Daddy one last time because dusk was coming and soon it would be too dark to find a place to sleep. I watched her leave the house and then ran to get Chloe in the van when she was out of sight and I realized she wasn't coming back. Chloe and I followed her from a distance in the van until she got to a busy intersection. I pulled up to the stop sign and rolled down the window, "Would you like to come home?"  Brightly, as if I popped my head into her room and asked if she'd like some ice cream, "Okay." She hopped into the van and we went home.
"Mommy, do you know where I was going?"
"No. Where?"
"I was going to to that horse ranch in Centerville and then I was going to go to Kroger." She didn't realize she was actually headed the exact opposite direction.

When we got home I explained to her that little kids can't live alone. That they need Mommies and Daddies to take care of them and protect them. There are mean people out in the world who hurt and kill small children and we never ever want that to happen to her because that would be the saddest thing that could ever happen in the whole wide world. So please always stay close to us and never run away again. She agreed. "No go unpack your giant suitcase and put your things where they belong." "Okay" she giggled as she skipped down the hallway.

Potty Training Meeting

Chloe's OT invited me to a meeting last night. The meeting is a regular meeting between the special needs parents, teacher, and various therapists. They cover different topics at each meeting and invite special guest experts. Chloe isn't in the special needs class so we don't normally attend but this week they covered potty training. Knowing my interest in this topic Chloe's OT invited me to join them.

The special guests were the special needs kindergarden teachers who often get kids in diapers and magically potty train them in Kindergarden. I was a little skeptical that they could help and prepared myself against disappointment but was also open-minded.

They gave some great tips:
- Once your child is big enough, change them in the standing up position and at the potty. This will reinforce the idea that elimination and the potty go together and that they're not a baby. My jaw dropped. I always change Chloe laying down.
-The teachers said it was easier for them to change diapers with tabs but I thought pull ups might be easier for me so I made a note to start pull-ups.
-Encourage your child to use their thumbs and pull their pants down themselves. Chloe has weak hands and thumbs and usually opposes using them to remove clothing. I almost always dress/undress her so this is definitely something we can work on.

They also made some comments that I thought would be helpful for the future.
-Once your child is ready to potty train switch them to panties and use pull-ups only at night. Commit and don't ever go back. Avoid the store for a couple of weeks if needed but do NOT put a pull-up on for the store because that creates confusion and will lengthen the process.
-Use a motivator with an if/then statement. "If you peepee in the potty Then you get ___" And make sure it's something they ONLY get when the peepee or poopoo in the potty. If it's a toy make sure it's a very appealing toy and place it near the potty so they can see it. If it's a snack make sure you never give them that snack unless they go on the potty.
-Don't use the thick training panties. Get the thin ones because we want the pee to run down their legs and get into their socks and be incredibly uncomfortable.
-Have the child help with cleanup when they have an accident. It's a natural cause and effect and it's not fun. If the mess magically disappears then it's too easy to just pee in their pants and be done with it.

I happily wrote down these notes and thought they could be helpful but still had a question so I jumped in as soon as the question/answer part seemed to start.
me: Can you give me some advise to help us get past our current stage? We've been stuck for about a year.
teacher: Sure. What's been going on for the past year?
me: Not much. She happily sits on the potty once or twice a day but nothing ever comes out. Chloe is aware of when she pees and poops. I know this because she stops and separates her legs to stand in her "peeing position." Then she asks me to change her diaper.
teacher: [with exaggerated drama] Oooh! She's sooo ready for panties. Put her in panties.
me: [dumbfounded] Umm. But she never ever pees in the potty. Never. Ever. Never.
teacher: But if she is that aware of her pee. She's ready. You just need to do it.
me: [still staring at the teacher with my mouth hanging open and not saying anything]
teacher: Do it.

Just kidding. She didn't say the last line. But they were totally serious about Chloe being ready. They suggested we buy her some fancy princess panties and do it over the holiday break. I want to believe them but I'm terrified. I think I still have PTS from our last potty training attempt. But Chloe's going on 3 1/2 years old and there's no medical reason why she shouldn't be using the potty. She's a smart kid and can totally do this. I can do this. We can do this. Oh my gosh I'm so scared!!!

Nutcracker Weekend with Grammy & Grampy

As I've mentioned before, the whole purpose of this blog is to share fun pictures and stories with family and friends but also to keep a sort of family record for Solana and Chloe to keep and enjoy when they're older. Unfortunately, the more fun things we do the less time I have to blog about it defeating the purpose of the blog. November/December seem to be my most difficult blog months. I guess it's more important to make the memories than to document them so I'll be satisfied with that.

Ignoring my previous sentiment I'll now try to "catch up on December." LOL!

We started the month with some of our favorite visitors in the whole wide world! My parents! They arrived Friday afternoon right as Solana got home and surprised her as she got off the bus. The weekend was a whirlwind of activity but we managed to get lots of fun and quality time in.

They came for Solana's Nutcracker weekend. She would be playing the part of Flag Soldier for the Miami Valley Dance Company's annual Nutcracker. The week preceeding the performances was all about rehearsal. My mom and I spent 5 hours at the full dress rehearsal Friday night, then my parents took her to the next full dress from 9-12 on Saturday morning. She had a two hour break before the first performance for which I played the role of backstage mom. After a one hour dinner break Dave and I attended the second Saturday performance. Solana was basically at the Nutcracker from 9am to 10pm with two short breaks. Most of that time was spent hanging out and waiting and, as it turns out, hanging out and waiting is an exhausting endeavor. It was for me, anyway. Solana and the other girls were full of fun and energy. Sunday was easy. One performance attended by my parents. Dave and I didn't even go to that one. I felt a little guilty but not enough to spend another moment there. Solana was sad when it was all over.

This was our first Nutcracker. Some kids do it every year as they graduate from Mouse to Soldier to Clown, to Angel and then join the Company to get bigger and better roles like Party Guest, Snow Flake, Candy Cane, Flower. I can't imagine doing this every year through HS. I think I'd lose my mind! Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent.

Here we are at Friday night's rehearsal. We waited in the Bellbrook HS cafeteria most of the time. Out of the five hours there Solana probably spent about 30 minutes rehearsing her 5 minute part. The hardest part about being the parent of a flag soldier is understanding how much time and effort the girls (and we) put in for such a miniscule role. It's perect for the new students to the school, though, since they don't really know much, yet. Solana didn't care about the amount of time she spent on stage, either, and she loved her costume. She WAS really cute.

The soldiers appear as the Nutcracker battles the Mouse Queen.They ran around in a circle a couple of times and waved their flags here and there. Solana waved her flag perfectly and projected the perfect soldier energy.

She's the second from the right.

On their way to rehearsal on Saturday morning. Solana has no idea how long her day will be. I had no idea how energetic she would be after such a ridiculously long day.

After Saturday morning rehearsal and before the first performance the girls had a dance party with my parents. Here they are dancing to salsa music.

Dancing on my dad's feet - just like the way I did when I was little.

While Solana and I attended her first performance my parents got to spend some quality time with Chloe. First the walked to the park.

Then they got some Chloe snuggles. Dave told me that she woke up grumpy and just wanted to be held for a really long time so he and my dad took turns sittng with her for a long time as the watched tv.

Meanwhile, the mice and the Soldiers "posing" for the moms before the Saturday afternoon performance.

Saturday evening Dave and I needed a picture with our little star.

Solana wanted a picture with one of the big girls and asked this random girl to take a picture with her. She's so funny.

We went out for breakfast Sunday morning. Breakfast was yummy.

My mom helped Solana get ready for her final performance.

This picture cracks me up because my mom's pooching out her lips as she applies Solana's lipstick. By the way, hairspray does wonders to remove lipstick from polyester. As we arrived for the first dress rehearsal on Friday I put Solana's lipstick on. As it turns out, putting bright red lipstick on a 7 year-old before shoes is a really bad idea. She put her foot up on the chair and immediately rested her lips on her white pants. All the mothers around gasped in horror for fear of the dance director's reaction. She's pretty scary so I have to admit I was a little scared myself. I sprayed some hairspray and rubbed with a wet wipe and "Poof!" it was gone! I coudn't believe it!

Grammy with her Flag Soldier star.

Grampy with his Flag Soldier star.

Monday and Tuesday are kind of a blur and it appears I didn't take any pictures. Solana stayed home from school on Monday to spend time with my parents. Chloe was home by 11 on both days so she didn't miss much.

Highlights I remember:
-Marathon walk. I think we walked for about an hour to the dentist where Dave picked up some medicine. The walk was my idea. I think we were all pooped by the time we got home but felt glad to have done it.
-The fact that my dad actually enjoyed and was satisfied by two meatless meals. The concept of filling vegetarian meals is foreign to my dad and he was skeptical to say the least. He has endured his fair share of heart surgeries to include a quadruple bypass a few years ago and I feel like it's my duty to feed him some healthy meals when we're together. The first was my favorite soup: Tomato, Kale, and Barley, served with fresh whole wheat free form bread. He kept asking Dave (on the sly) if he should go pick up some fried chicken or something to go with the soup.  I've forgotten the second but after both meals I puffed with pride at how impressed he was with having reached satiation from my vegetarian meal.  But the other thing that stands out to me is that my dad was noticing that he slept better at night and felt fewer aches and pains while he was here and wondered if it could be the food. I truly believe in the power of healthy food and wouldn't doubt it.
-Shopping with my mom for Solana's earrings and learning that you don't enter a jewelery store with the word "diamond" in the name if you're looking for a $40 pair of earrings for a 7 year-old.
-My mom getting after the dogs because they're pathetic attention hogs, "Bluebell and Monty! I didn't come here to see YOU!"
-Feeling so happy that Solana and Chloe adore my parents as much as I do.



Reality Check

I say this over and over again but it's a constant in our lives and something we must always be mindful of. People have no idea how poor Chloe's vision really is. I would say that she "adapts" very well but she doesn't know any different. If I were to switch to her (corrected) vision from my current state I'd be walking around with my arms outstretched trying to make sure I didn't bump or trip over anything. Chloe, on the other hand, is a three year-old who isn't nearly as fearful as am I. And she's used to it.

Yesterday I took her contacts out at night and she ran off as I was cleaning her glasses. Something distracted me and 10 minutes later I realized she still wasn't wearing her glasses. Seriously! This kid can't see without her glasses! Her vision is BAD. B.A.D. BAD. You'd never guess based on the way she was running around playing. When I realized my mistake, "Chloe! You have to tell Mommy when you can't see! You don't have your glasses on!" I half scolded, half pleaded. "What?!" (Sounds like "What I do wrong?") She just doesn't get it. I just don't get that.

The other day I was decorating the Christmas tree with the girls. I sat with the giant bin of ball-shaped ornaments and handed them to Solana after I attached the hook. Chloe, who was previously occupied by dancing to holiday music, decided she really really wanted to help. I was trying to think of something ability-appropriate for her to do when she started grabbing for the ornament in my hand. She made it very clear that she wanted to do what Solana was doing. I wasn't thrilled about handing her a pokey paperclippy thing but also wanted to let her try. I held the ornament by the hook to hand it to her but she immediately grabbed for the ball. I tried to guide her hand to hold it by the hook and she wouldn't do it. We tried over and over but she insisted on grabbing for the ball. It was like a funny little hand wrestling match we were having. 

She definitely wanted to hang the ornament on the tree - not play with it - so I needed to teach her how to hold it by the hook. The problem was that she wasn't even aware that the hook existed. Finally I was able to slow her down enough to guide her fingers and "show" it to her. At that point she "got" it and knew what to do. Every time after that she reached for the ball with one hand and used her other hand to feel for, find, then guide her fingers up to the end of the hook. 

Watching her do this was a big reality check for me. Her motion was so...blind. It's how I would have done it with my eyes closed. I felt really emotional over it. She has no idea that she's different or that she can't see what other kids see. But I do. It's my job to make sure she gets the most possible out of every situation, even if she can't see as well as other kids. Chloe makes it easy to forget my job sometimes but other times she can't help but display her special needs. Reality checks are good and necessary. We always need to keep her moving forward but we need to remember our job of helping her do so because this world isn't exactly designed for a little girl like her. 

But to be fair to the world, it hasn't ever seen a little girl quite like her. 

Thanksgiving 2012

We enjoyed a wonderfully laid back and delicious Thanksgiving this year. Our friends, Dave, Ann and little David joined us. They live about 40 minutes away in the middle of nowhere and we don't get together with them nearly enough. Dave has been Dave's best friend for 15ish years. They've worked together in California, Germany, Colorado, and now Ohio. We met Ann when she and Dave first started dating and they've known Solana since she was just a wee lass. Solana adores Ann and always insists on being next to her. I think it hurts Dave's feelings a bit because she used to be more smitten with him when she was smaller. Ann took over as the favorite Fay sometime in past couple of years.  When we found out they wouldn't have any family in town for Thanksgiving we quickly decided to celebrate together. I was so glad they joined us. I prefer Thanksgiving with a group. It's much more fun cooking all that food when I know other people will enjoy it!

Dave bought flowers and I just had to get one picture with them on the table. Check out that beautiful turkey! It was a doozey. I signed up for a 12 pounder at the farmer's market a couple of months ago but their turkeys grew much bigger than expected and I ended up with a 17 pounder!!! Ann brought yummy green bean casserole (to the dismay of my Dave who doesn't eat mushroom-tainted dishes). I also made the best rolls of my life, corn bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and spinach salad. This was the first year I left off the sweet potato casserole with marshmallows but I had to pull back at least one of the carb dishes. Next year I think I might actually try decorating the table...

4 adults and 3 kids barely managed to finish off one side of the turkey breast!

Solana sitting next to Ann. Solana chowed down on a roll before we even got any food on her plate. The rolls were definitely a hit and probably the kids' favorite part of the meal.

Dave and soon-to-be big brother David. David is a popular name around here!

I was proud of my pecan pie but the girls loved Ann's grasshopper pie more. Hmph.

After dinner we were all very full - or at least the adults were full. David ate two rolls and was done. Chloe took three bites and was done. At least I was able to get most of her food down by chasing her around the house with a fork and shoving fork-fulls of food in her mouth as she played. It's one of my new tricks. Oh the things we do to get our kids fed! We decided to walk off our full bellies and make room for pie. 

Ann was cracking up at Chloe telling everyone, "FOLLOW ME," as she trailed behind.

We have much to be thankful for.

Perseverance

Sometimes you're tired and just want a moment of peace so you plop the kids in front of the tv. then you kind of feel like a crappy parent. But then there are other moments when you're likely to feel like a rock star. Solana made me feel like one recently when I found this in her school folder.