Friday, February 10, 2012

I Want To Shake Her

My friend, Melissa, is having a rough month. February's not a good time for her. A little bit like my August. Her post today touched me.

I wish I could go back and shake my old self, too. I was so different back then. If only I could erase some of the things I said and thought when I found out I was having twins, when I went on bed rest... And then sometimes I wish I could go back to being that old naive person who felt sorry for other people with sad stories. Sometimes I'm mad at all the happy go-lucky people who don't know...who have never lost...who underestimate what Chloe has overcome and what she overcomes every single day. It sucks to think those things and be in that place. I try not to be but sometimes it can't be helped. Melissa suspects that others expect her to be 'over it' but it's part of what made us who we are today.

I catch my breath and stop to be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. Dave, Solana, Chloe, and angel Leila. I remember how well Chloe's doing despite all her obstacles and think of how it could be worse. Much worse. I'll be back to that place soon enough. For now, I'll send some love to my friend who needs it right now. Then I'll go spin Chloe in her bubble and marvel at how it helps her.


Anonymous said...

One day - over coffee or wine - I will tell you exactly what I thought and said when I found out I was having twins.

Grammy said...

I Love You, Mija!

A Goldsworthy Note said...

I love you, Cynthia. I'm always here for you to lean on when you have those "I want to shake her" days. I do want to say that I hope you never truly wish you could go back and change who you were. We learn from our old naive selves and through your honest posts others learn from them, too. Even through our rough time I learned a lot about myself through your posts and I really do believe that I'm a better person partly because of you. Someone is always watching you and never ever wish you can change who you are/were. I love my sister just the way she is, was, and I always will.

Holbergs said...

Great post! I think one of the things that makes your blog so likeable (other than the fact that you're my sister) is your honesty. There are days of laughter and then a post like this. It reminds us of exactly how far Chloe has come, as well as you, Dave, and Solana. Thank you.