Friday, February 10, 2012
I Want To Shake Her
My friend, Melissa, is having a rough month. February's not a good time for her. A little bit like my August. Her post today touched me.
“Those were days of innocence. The person I was then, three years ago, wondered how she would be able to tell the twins apart, and worried about being bored in the hospital for four to six weeks. That person hoped the twins wouldn’t have to stay in the NICU more than a couple of weeks. I am angry at that person and her silly concerns, I want to shake her. Doesn’t she know that she was worried about all the wrong things?”
I wish I could go back and shake my old self, too. I was so different back then. If only I could erase some of the things I said and thought when I found out I was having twins, when I went on bed rest... And then sometimes I wish I could go back to being that old naive person who felt sorry for other people with sad stories. Sometimes I'm mad at all the happy go-lucky people who don't know...who have never lost...who underestimate what Chloe has overcome and what she overcomes every single day. It sucks to think those things and be in that place. I try not to be but sometimes it can't be helped. Melissa suspects that others expect her to be 'over it' but it's part of what made us who we are today.
I catch my breath and stop to be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. Dave, Solana, Chloe, and angel Leila. I remember how well Chloe's doing despite all her obstacles and think of how it could be worse. Much worse. I'll be back to that place soon enough. For now, I'll send some love to my friend who needs it right now. Then I'll go spin Chloe in her bubble and marvel at how it helps her.