Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Bye Leila

Today at breakfast Chloe started saying, "Bye Leila. Bye Leila. Bye Leila. Bye Leila." Over and over and over and over and over. It was cute and she kept changing the pitch every time she said it. I smiled and she knew she was being cute. She smiled back and kept saying it. First, I thought, "How cool. We don't say Leila's name a lot to her. It's almost as though Leila's sending her thoughts from heaven and they're having a connection."

But the truth is I know she's just playing with sounds and trying out new words. When she pronounced "Chloe" as "Lola" I thought, "Hmm. That's odd." She's been calling me "Lala" lately. That's what the babies call my sister so I've been trying to put a stop to that. But this morning was just too much. My mind went to that place...the sister she should be babbling with...the twin she'll never experience. I hate feeling that way and having those thoughts. I wish I didn't have to.

There's a set of identical twins on Solana's soccer team this year. I've taken to referring to them "the sisters" and it somehow makes me feel better.

5 comments:

Melissa said...

Oh, honey. I hate that feeling too. The missing other half. Especially when others have what we are missing. I wonder if it will ever not hurt when I see id twins. OR twin girls in general.

The Hillbergs said...

I'm sorry Cyndi

carol anne said...

Thinking about you.

Emily and Troy Williams said...

{{HUGS}}

Megan B ♥ said...

You only THINK that she is practicing her sounds.... :)

I am finally starting to believe that living in the twin capital of the world may have been good for me. I mean.... it's ABSOLUTELY HEARTWRENCHINGLY AWFUL, but.... at some point, I was forced to callous over a little. It's either that or throw myself over a bridge. But when you see 8 sets of twins and a set of triplets regularly in the neighborhood...

I was supposed to go to that ID twin baby shower tonight. We have a conflict and I can't make it anymore. I'm relieved. I can finally handle being around my friend herself (most of the time), but I was never sure that I could survive the OTHER guests and their twin-gushing....