Saturday, August 11, 2012

Leila's Angel Day

 We celebrated Leila this weekend. Her angel day was the 11th. Three years ago we were miserable. Today we're ok. It's nice to be able to think of her with a smile sometimes. I didn't cry one single time this summer until the day before.  And this summer I lived, for the most part, in the present and not in the past. It makes me feel good to know that I can enjoy the thought of Leila and feel good about being her Mommy instead of sad all the time.

The girls and I began Leila's weekend with a visit to Miami Valley Hospital where we dropped off 128 Teeny Tears bereavement diapers for 64 families. The thought of donating these diapers in Leila's name really helped me get through this year. Leila's helping us to do something kind and generous for other grieving families and, while it makes me cry to type this sentence, it's heartwarming to help others during their saddest time. Families will cling to these special keepsakes the way I cling to the only little outfit Leila ever wore.

On Saturday we visited St. Albert the Great in Kettering. Right around the time the twins were born the church provided us an opportunity to dedicate a brick at their new tranquility fountain. Dave had one dedicated to Leila. After all this time we had never visited her brick. We stopped going to mass when Chloe came from the hospital and didn't know where the tranquility fountain was so it took a bit of wandering but we finally found it. Dave and Solana got there first. Chloe and I were slow to catch up. As we approached my heart was beating fast. I had this feeling of dread and fear like I was going to see something I didn't really want to see. It was weird. I took a deep breath and readied myself as we approached. And there it was. It was real. She's really gone and her name is memorialized on a brick. It's the one front and center before the fountain.

After Chloe's nap we sent Leila her balloons with special messages and then enjoyed some angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream for her special day. The girls were happy for the cake.

If she were here today Leila Marie would look a lot like her identical twin, Chloe Bea. Beautiful.


The Hillbergs said...

It sounds like you had a very special day with your family. I'm glad that you are starting to heal a bit - to remember Leila with a happier heart. I think that's good. I love the tiny diapers. Are you planning to donate more next year?


Megan B ♥ said...

A very very very special day for a special family. Love you!

Holbergs said...

Wow! That was one if THE best posts you've written. It's the honesty in your words.

Keep doing what you're doing, sis! And I can honestly say, as tears stream down MY face, I love you and am beyond proud of you in so many ways! Muuuuuuwah!

Megan Riva said...

I am also the mom of identical twin girls and my angel died at 28 weeks from a cord accident in 2015. I just found the card that was the diaper I have, the only piece of clothing I have that my angel wore. I was so happy to hear that it was donated in the memory of another twin. Thank you so much for your donation, it means so much to me.