Leila's 2nd Angel Day

We spent yesterday remembering, thinking and talking about Leila. After dropping Solana off at soccer camp Chloe and I met my friend, Kim, for breakfast. She'd invited me several days earlier and I was looking forward to having my morning occupied but thought that she just happened to be off that day. When we arrived Kim gave us a beautiful little pot of flowers and said breakfast was her treat. I didn't think anyone would remember and was shocked and touched by her thoughtfulness. Cry 1.

Then my mom sent me a lovely text. Cry 2.

I don't talk about Leila a lot but sometimes it's completely appropriate and a fluid part of the conversation for me to mention her or the "twins." Sometimes I think it makes people uncomfortable and I imagine they rather wish I didn't. I feel like I certainly don't try to shove my grief in anyone's face and I usually speak matter-of-factly. But I also don't try to hide my thoughts of Chloe's twinness or Leila's existence either. If it comes to mind and makes sense I'll just say it. Yesterday I posted something on Facebook about Leila and 20 people commented saying wonderful sweet things about her. It felt so lovely to have her recognized and remembered. I love her so much! Cry 3.

My sister, Leticia, prefers to text me personal messages rather than comment on FB. She did and it was poetic. Cry 4.

After soccer the girls and I ate lunch and then Chloe laid down for her nap. Solana helped me bakc a carrot cake for Leila's special day.

Then we went to Kroger for cream cheese (icing, of course), balloons, and a few other things before stopping at the local bakery for a take-n-bake pizza. By the time Dave got home the pizza was ready and the cake only needed icing. He brought flowers and said they were for all of us but Solana was pretty insistent that they be for Leila. So be it. Solana, Dave, and I then gave a team effort designing and decorating the cake. It came out beautiful. And, if I do say so myself, Solana and I bake the BEST carrot cake.

Solana asked if she could make the peace sign in the picture. (?)


We sat down at the table to eat and I suggested Dave say the prayer. Have you ever noticed that, even in a moment of weakness when you are just a hairs·breadth away from crying, you can still be strong and stoic if someone next to you needs that of you? I ended up saying the prayer. Besides, I'd already cried 4 times that day.

Then we took our balloons outside and wrote messages to Leila. We each sent her one but Chloe got to send her two. Since she is her twin and all... It was sweet and perfect. I like celebrating Leila on her special day. It makes me feel happy and connected to her. And I think it's good for all of us.